After many years of trying to get attractive girls to find me attractive, I’ve finally started to see some success. I’ve finally began to truly feel the traits that we’ve all been trying to emulate.
Recently, for the first time, I went on a date with a fairly attractive girl, and I honestly did not give two flying pig shits if anything happened. I’ve internalized the fact that if it doesn’t work out with her, there will be plenty more. Previously, I would’ve placed pressure on myself, fearing that I might not have another date anytime soon.
Now, I don’t care. As a result, I tease more. I act more aloof. I have more fun. She has more fun. It’s a lovely vicious cycle.
But how did I get here? Well I approached 100’s of girls, and mostly failed, but got a few numbers. Of those numbers, I failed to get dates with most of them, but got some. Of those dates, I messed most of them up, but succeeded with a few.
Notice a common thread? Lots of failure. Each one frustrating but educational. But, each success, no matter how infrequent, taught me to disregard the failures as I realized that success was eventually inevitable as long as I kept trying.
If you approach 20 girls/month, you’ll have 100’s of approaches a year from now, and probable some successes. Keep learning, but more importantly, keep trying.
Here’s one for you. You go on a date with a spicy lawyer. She’s good looking and just annoying enough to want to plumb her anal depths, but not so much that you couldn’t talk to her for an hour, teasing her to the point of massive self-qualification.
But, she’s a good girl and denies the kiss close. A hip check to the boards putting her in control, and making you look like a beta who not only has misread her interest in you but was also unable to garner it in the first place. Here’s the solution in 3 easy steps:
1. Keep your cool. Remember, the essence of being alpha is amused mastery. I credit this concept to CH, and it is the absolute most accurate why to describe alphas’ interactions with women.
2. Give her the spanking she deserves. Do you think I’m joking? She just denied you. She has the upper hand, so fix it! She’ll say something like “I don’t do that on the first date.” or something else. It’s mostly inconsequential. Whatever pitiful words she utters, just agree without acknowledging what she said and say “Oh yeah? Well how about this?” and give her a light spank in the butt.
3. Move on. If the date was about to end anyway, begin to leave. If you’re walking somewhere and stopped, keep going. Make her realize that you do not care if she’s offended by this action.
When she feigns offense and gives you whatever shit-test she can’t help giving, just smile, and keep going.
She’ll be smiling the whole time.
In learning any new skill with in the hopes to somehow improve your share of any given competitive marketplace, you should be glad when you find that it’s extremely difficult to do so.
Were it easy, far more of your competitors would improve to a skill level that would leave you without hope of any significant competitive advantage. And only by competitive advantage will you succeed over others.
A good chess player, who has studied, practiced, learned from countless mistakes and disappointments, and experienced a variety of the nearly countless possibilities offered by the game will have no trouble beating a novice on a very regular basis. However, tic-tac-toe, a much more shallow game, easy enough to practically master after a few minutes, would leave no real difference between the veteran and the novice in a relatively short period.
But chess is just one example of a difficult skill to master. The point is this:
The process for learning complex skills has principles that are identical across the spectrum. If you realize how this process works and learn to deal with its frequent and consistent shit-tests, you will have a much greater likelihood of success.
This process is covered in detail in the book The Art of Learning, which you must read, but I will cover two key points that I think may be helpful:
Bewilderment – This feeling often comes with the beginning phase in studying a new pursuit. At this point, you realize you have what appears to be an almost insurmountable amount of information to learn. When you feel this practically helpless feeling, enjoy it. It will pass, and because others did not overcome it, you will have an advantage.
For example, 100 herbs walk into the Chateau: 50 write it off for many stated reasons but mostly denial. The remaining 50 say “wow! I’ve stumbled onto the key to all things unholy and good”, they begin reading and their head begins to spin. 15 herbs give up at the sheer enormity of the task in front of them. 15 others actually give it a shot, talk to a few girls, begin to learn just how much they don’t know and again, give up.
Our remaining 20, who shall now be moved to the ranks of recovering betas, trudge forth, and begin to see some results. “It works! I’m learning!” And then…
Variance – If you’ve ever seen someone hit her number on the roulette wheel, you’ve seen variance. She’s (men don’t play roulette) very excited, attached to the outcome. When she wins, she’s happy, when she loses, she’s frustrated. Yet, the casino management is friendly and smiling the whole time. Be like the casino.
Back to our aspiring PUA’s: of the 20 that begin to taste some sweet success, they keep up the good work, until they hit a rut. Maybe they got shot down 5 opens in a row or just hit a dry spell of celibacy. 15 more give up, stopping approaches almost entirely, and remaining betas forever.
Our remaining 5 plow forth, honing their skills slowly but surely. Of course they hit dry spells; of course they get rejected. They keep going, learning, analyzing. They keep trying. And precisely because they keep trying, they succeed.
Be like the casino. Trust the process. Be glad its difficult.
I’m going to write here every day, mostly for selfish reasons. I want to be a better writer because I’m egotistical and am addicted to the taste of success.
I have a strong inkling that fostering a drive to do good deeds would cause me to have greater peace of mind, so in pure selfishness, I will write on topics that simultaneously serve the former self-serving objective as well as the latter (apparently) more selfless one.
